GOLF

Will somebody explain to me, in terms my small brain can understand, what in the fuck is with this Golf thing? Jesus H Fucking Christ on a crutch! Is it the rich who want you to know they are rich? Is it the poor who want you to think they are rich? Is it the middle class straining to reach the upper middle class? I have no idea.

I couldn't say it better myself.

http://suck.com/daily/2000/06/16/daily.html

God Bless the Internet.

One of these times, when someone asks me if I golf, which of these will be my answer?

• Golf is for fags..Ya know that wasn't a very nice thing to say about a fag.
• Golf, are you fucking kidding me? Do I look like a golfer?
• Golf? I think I'd rather be fucked a hungry grizzley bear in the ass.
• Golf....Hmmm Golf...What is that exactly?
• Golf....Uh...Golf....Hmmm....I don't play golf. I think it's lame, stupid and for fat ass fucks who can't do anything else.

Judge not, lest you be judged. I have golfed, once, about 10 years ago. I remember it quite well.

Fade in dreamy music...

At the first hole, I smacked the fuck out of the ball and thought, hmm this might be fun. Since I refused to ride in the cart, I went to look for my ball. Don't remember if I found it or not, but now for smack two!

Smack. Hmmm Ok, look at that little fucker go. Interesting. The harder I try, the farther it DOESN'T go. What in the hell is with that? OK, I can tell this is gonna be stupid as shit. Good thing I have a beer with me.

(smack, walk, smack, walk, smack, look in weeds, get another ball....4-5 holes later)

Well hell...How much more do we have of this? 18 holes? You're fucking me, right? Holy shit. Okay, smack the ball 5-10 times per hole, and do this 18 separate times? Shit. I am in serious trouble.

(Ninth hole, this bullshit is old.)

Well, I can say with certainty I sure as hell won't be doing this stupid thing again.....Good Christ, how can people do this all damned day? Better yet, these fuckers with their stupid golf clubs cart them bastards to Arizona and California and all sorts of places to play golf? Shit I see dumb asses towing their golf carts around to OTHER courses....Good God.

If you are my friend, and you golf you know me well enough to NOT be offended. If you are NOT my friend, and you were offended. Uh. Piss off.

I really hope my health is NEVER so poor that the only thing I can do is golf. I think that would be sheer hell. Worse than cancer. At least it was a challenge, and it was NOT boring.